I need more male friends
Please refresh the page and retry. Can men and women ever be just friends? According to one new survey, the answer is a straight no. Social network MeetMe polled 6, of its users and found that more than half of people said they have fantasised about sleeping with their best friend of the opposite gender. The numbers seem pretty damning. Yet could the truth be more nuanced?SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Can Men And Women Just Be Friends?
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: She Has Too Many Guy FriendsContent:
- American Men’s Hidden Crisis: They Need More Friends!
- Women are sharing the things their male friends do that make them uncomfortable
- Making Guy Friends as a Man: Male Friendship 101
- Women are sharing ways their male friends can make them uncomfortable
- How to Be Friendly (Not Flirty!) with Male Friends
- The Challenges and Rewards of Male-on-Male Friendship
American Men’s Hidden Crisis: They Need More Friends!
Eventually, Kelly became his default therapist, soothing his anxieties as he fretted over work or family problems. For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration.
Meanwhile, the female savior trope continues to be romanticized on the silver screen thanks Disney! Unlike women, who are encouraged to foster deep platonic intimacy from a young age, American men—with their puffed up chests, fist bumps, and awkward side hugs—grow up believing that they should not only behave like stoic robots in front of other men, but that women are the only people they are allowed to turn to for emotional support—if anyone at all.
It has gained more traction recently as women, feeling increasingly burdened by unpaid emotional labor, have wised up to the toll of toxic masculinity, which keeps men isolated and incapable of leaning on each other. Across the spectrum, women seem to be complaining about the same thing: While they read countless self-help books, listen to podcasts, seek out career advisors, turn to female friends for advice and support, or spend a small fortune on therapists to deal with old wounds and current problems, the men in their lives simply rely on them.
Both recently divorced, her brothers are already turning to her but never to each other to provide the support their wives used to. All the retired women I know are busier than ever, taking care of spouses, ailing friends, grandchildren, and parents, then doing some volunteering on the side.
But here I was, a struggling freelancer with no benefits, always finding a way to prioritize therapy and yoga. He rarely went, says Marez, often blaming the therapist for scheduling conflicts; and only conceded to couples counseling after she did all the work to find the therapist and set up the appointments.
The persistent idea that seeking therapy is a form of weakness has produced a generation of men suffering from symptoms like anger, irritability, and aggressiveness , because not only are they less likely than women to pursue mental health help, but once they do, they have a hard time expressing their emotions. Forced to question long-held masculine ideals, therapy can be a meaningful and transformative process, even for her most reluctant patients.
Members become comfortable enough to share their honest impression of another member, opening the door to interpersonal feedback that they may never hear elsewhere. Still, the statistics are bleak.
Only five percent of men seek outpatient mental health services, despite feeling lonelier than ever before in a recent British study , 2. What's more, men conceal pain and illness at much higher rates than women, and are three times more likely than women to die from suicide.
Black men face an added set of barriers , including systemic discrimination , racial stereotypes , and cultural stigma against mental illness. So what, then, is a man to do when he needs honest, unbiased support from someone other than his partner, but is unwilling or unable to try therapy? After several failed relationships, Scott Shepherd realized that despite being an empathetic, self-aware guy, he was still missing a key element to his emotional health: a few good woke-ish men.
The problem was, he became dependent on the women he opened up to and kept repeating the cycle. Each meeting starts with a five-minute meditation, followed by discussions on everything from how to deal with difficulties in romantic relationships to talking through problems at work.
This group changed that. We use sports as an excuse to bump up against each other, so desperate we are for human touch and intimacy. But this kind of closeness is based in camaraderie and aggression, not vulnerability and trust. The former is very surface level and not nearly as satisfying as the latter. Not only has the group taught him alternative ways to be a man, husband, and father, it has given Stephen a space to think about what kind of man he wants to be.
Knowing that other men have problems, no matter how it looks on the outside, makes him feel less alone, he says, and less ashamed. Whereas women experience shame when they fail to meet unrealistic, conflicting expectations, men become consumed with shame for showing signs of weakness.
Since vulnerability is, unfortunately, still perceived as a weakness instead of a strength, having hard conversations that involve vulnerability is something men often try to avoid. A group text chain enables the men to check in with other members between meetings, and for some of these men, this is their first truly authentic relationship with a peer.
Similarly, now that Shepherd, the outdoor adventure leader, no longer needs a partner to feel emotionally connected and understood, he says he can go into his next relationship without being emotionally needy—or selfish. Bazaar Bride. United States. Type keyword s to search.
By Melanie Hamlett. Related Story. More From Deep Dive. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.
Women are sharing the things their male friends do that make them uncomfortable
And yet here they are, all around me. I have almost, oh, a dozen good friends — all acquired in the last few years. How did this happen?
Especially as we get older, men often have fewer close male friendships. Worst of all, this lack of close relationships could be very, very bad for us. Prolonged loneliness can have serious consequences for cognition, emotion, behavior, and health —and may even speed up physiological aging. Ironically, as we start our journey to becoming men, some of us become preoccupied by worries about not fully reaching some manly ideal. During this time, we may also start to see other men as competition—probably some primal vestige of our more Darwinistic caveman days, when the only thing that mattered was A Am I strong enough to fight you?
Making Guy Friends as a Man: Male Friendship 101
Tom, 27, first noticed that his friendships were skewing womanward in college. Friendships between men and women are on the rise in the U. He attributed the reported discrepancy to the subjectivity of relationships, and concluded that an equal percentage of men and women have platonic friendships. I attribute the difference to typical male hubris. Greif says that the number of men in platonic friendships with women has likely increased since he published Buddy System. The rise of male-female relationships in general has also made way for guys like Tom, whose friends are almost all women. Thus, Hamlett theorized, men save their emotional sharing for their partner, whereas women are more likely to share their feelings with a network of therapists and friends.
Women are sharing ways their male friends can make them uncomfortable
Adult men have long struggled to maintain meaningful bonds with other men—but that might be changing. My father and I were great pals, but I don't recall his ever discussing anything remotely personal with me. Except when he told me to stop losing weight, and later to stop gaining it. So you can imagine my surprise when I learned that he—in his mids at the time—had co-started a men's group with about ten others.
Eventually, Kelly became his default therapist, soothing his anxieties as he fretted over work or family problems. For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration. Meanwhile, the female savior trope continues to be romanticized on the silver screen thanks Disney!
How to Be Friendly (Not Flirty!) with Male Friends
How many is too many guy friends anyway? What about five times as many as your weekend baseball team? Do any of the following possibilities ring a bell? Take advantage of the fact that she has male friends by using them as your allies.
After church one Sunday, Dan listened as I muddled through some thoughts for an upcoming retreat I was co-teaching with Stanford. I dismissed his encouragement with a laugh. But months later, when asked by a publisher if I had any book ideas, his words came back to me. Dan is one of a number of men over the years who have been friends, allies, and encouragers to me. Emily Hunter McGowan, a lecturer at Wheaton College, recently tweeted her acknowledgment to two men who played pivotal roles in her life by naming gifts they saw in her and encouraging her to develop them. Like me, many other women chimed in with similar stories of significant men in their lives.
The Challenges and Rewards of Male-on-Male Friendship
Friendships, just like relationships, have the potential to be one-sided and toxic. But with friendships, it feels like there's less of a clear blueprint on how to handle things, and how to navigate a friendship breakup if you decide you no longer want a former pal in your life. And this can be especially tricky when you're a woman who is friends with men. For the most part, our male friends are good lads who treat us with respect - otherwise we wouldn't be friends with them, right? Not excusing it, but they've been socialised differently, after all. For many of us, if someone makes us feel uncomfortable, we just tell them. But not everyone has that confidence, and sometimes it's hard to communicate to a friend how they've overstepped a boundary.
From Cosmopolitan. Friendships, just like relationships, have the potential to be one-sided and toxic. But with friendships, it feels like there's less of a clear blueprint on how to handle things, and how to navigate a friendship breakup if you decide you no longer want a former pal in your life.
Can men and women be friends? Avoid sending mixed signals and losing friends of the opposite sex with these expert-backed tips. There's a clear line between being interested in a guy's life and being interested in the guy.
A lot of the time, guys can be easier to have as friends. They're straight forward, they're always doing something, and they're not afraid to make a risky joke. Especially in in middle school years, in general we get kinda weird. Everyone's hormones are going crazy, and being a girl at that point in life sucks enough.
Some are married, some are single, some are gay, some are straight. We shop together, we dine together, we drink together and we confide in each other. Try moving a sofa by yourself — or with your best girlfriend. Because — unlike a significant other — they have nothing to gain or lose by telling you the truth. A female friend is likely to tell you — in part because she believes it and in part because she wants to make you feel better —that the guy fled because he was scared off by his intense adoration and big feelings for you.