How to get your best friend back after a long time
BFF breakups are notoriously brutal. Unlike romantic relationships where you can vent to your bestie for hours over too many mimosas, losing your closest friend can leave you feeling even more hollow and isolated. Getting through it is no easy feat, but it can be done. Eventually, things can get so much better than you'll be weirdly grateful that the breakup happened. I spoke with Dr. Andrea Bonior , author and adjunct professor of Psychology at Georgetown University, about the best ways to cope:.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: ♥Internet Best Friends Meeting Compilation♥
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 3 Tips For Rebuilding a Friendship That Fell ApartContent:
How to Win Your Best Friend Back
I kept thinking about how many years had passed by. Did I really waste four years by not contacting my best friend? You see, I had a falling out with my close cousin. Growing up together since childhood, we became best friends—more like brothers through the years. That was until we had a huge disagreement. During that time, I wondered what he was up to.
Should I try to contact him? After four long years, our paths crossed once again. I heard he wanted to get in touch with me. I felt the same and was eager to finally meet up and talk in person. It just so happened he also wondered how I was and what I was up to.
We took some time to bring ourselves up to speed, but we ultimately fixed our friendship. Reflecting on my experiences taught me some valuable lessons about how to fix friendships.
These may work for you too, if you apply them wholeheartedly:. If the argument was recent, allow some time for the psychological wounds to heal. If you do anything now, you may cause more harm than good.
Tempers flared , and hurtful things were said. Let both of you gain your senses first and reflect on what happened. Otherwise, they may undermine your good intentions. Limit your diatribe to just one person you can confide in and trust. Talking out loud about your frustrations not only can make you feel better but can also give you more focus and perspective in the rebuilding process.
The ego is a projection of how we want people to see us. When attempting reconciliation, both your egos are just additional obstacles both of you have to bore through to make meaningful communication between your pure selves.
Keep in mind that your friend needs to vent as well; you must mentally prepare yourself to listen to whatever opinions are thrown your way. Lastly, be mindful not to criticize, judge, or complain. These will definitely close the doors to communication.
Be sure to keep an open mind. Your goal, by withdrawing your ego, is to get your friend to withdraw their ego as well and open up, thus removing barriers in order to reconnect. Want to email them? Be fearless, take the leap, and go for it. Go ahead and find a way to contact them. Blaming something on anyone brings back up your fighting stance. Definitely counterproductive in fixing any relationship. Whatever wrongdoings your friend has committed against you, picture yourself forgiving them , and envision those misdeeds dissolving into nothingness.
Let this mindset envelope your soul right before you speak. He has his predetermined path planned in his head leading to his goal. Whatever the outcome, good or bad, you want your friend to know your intentions originated from peace, not hate.
Say sorry for anything incidental. Why is a tiny three-letter word that can cause more damage than good.
You can change the question around so that it shows you care rather than appear demanding. Expecting something brings your ego back into play. It may cause unnecessary tension and create false expectations that can hinder any improvement. This is all about creating peace. The positive thing coming out of breaking and fixing a friendship is that both of you know each of your boundaries once you have crossed them.
Your fixed relationship is sort of like an irreplaceable, cracked heirloom vase carefully glued back together. It may not look the same as it did before, but you can still value it for what it is and fully embrace it for what it represents.
One thing that I know for sure: if you value this friendship, the time you lose with them can never, ever be replaced. Life is short, and the clock is ticking. Get the ball rolling.
Make a conscious choice now. Remember, you have nothing to lose and only a friend to gain. Friends image via Shutterstock. Perry Manzano is a personal growth blogger. His website, Transform Stress Into Calm is for folks searching for an illuminated path out of their anxiety-filled world. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.
Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Click here to read more. Think Web Strategy. Admittedly, I was the one to blame. These may work for you too, if you apply them wholeheartedly: 1.
Let the dust settle first. Time is your ally, so wait a while. Purge your frustrations. Give your ego a break. Get over that initial hump. End the blame game once and for all. Find a way to climb on top of that and gain the advantage of seeing over your obstacles. Visualize forgiveness before you utter a single word. Apologize for your part in what happened.
Avoid trying to force reciprocity. Doing it this way allows them to learn and grow themselves. Be prepared to move on. Because you did everything you could possibly do. Now the ball is in their court. Make That Friendship Even Stronger Than Before The positive thing coming out of breaking and fixing a friendship is that both of you know each of your boundaries once you have crossed them.
About Perry Manzano Perry Manzano is a personal growth blogger. Web More Posts. See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!
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A Psychologist Explains How to Revive a Dead Friendship
When you first make a new friend, you probably aren't thinking about the future and the possibility that the friendship will end. However, it is inevitable that eventually some of your friends will no longer be in your life. People grow apart for various reasons and not every friendship is lifelong.
Did you have a big fight with your best friend? Or have they been hanging out with someone else lately? These things happen. There are ways to get your best friend back. In fact, you can still save the relationship and get your best friend back.
How to cope when a friend breaks up with you
Find out more about cookies and your privacy in our policy. Try writing your thoughts down to help make things clearer. Do you think your friend is intentionally trying to hurt you or put you down? You might spend a lot of time flipping through your memories of them, scrolling through their social media, or asking other friends and family about them. Read more about learning to accept things that are out of your control. It might look like this:. Watching out for this can help you to avoid it. For example:. It can feel pretty hard to call someone out for their behaviour.
7 Ways To Survive A BFF Breakup
You might feel embarrassed by something you said or did. Either way, you should absolutely make a solid attempt to work things out, because the longer you go without speaking, the more awkward things will get. No matter how mature we think we are, very few of us fight fairly all the time. Putting yourself out there and opening up to someone even your best friend! There are likely multiple reasons why you consider her your best friend, and sometimes when we fight with loved ones, we can lose sight of why we love them so much in the first place.
However, through making amends after a fight or reconnecting after time apart, you can redevelop your connection. While it may feel difficult to reconnect with a former best friend, you can make amends after a fight and redevelop your connection. Reach out to your friend and tell them you're sorry or ask to meet in person to talk.
7 hacks for rebooting a friendship after a major falling out
If your heart feels chopped in half by the split, you may want to win your best friend back. However, not all friendships are meant to last forever. If you think yours truly is, prepare yourself to take a plunge as your old friend may or may not feel the same way.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Fix a Broken Friendship
My best guy friend is also my ex high school sweetheart. It was not a pretty breakup — any of the times we split. But somehow, from the ashes of the scorched earth, we did it. We turned our romance into a bromance for the ages. I'd like to say that I was the emotionally mature party who resurrected the relationship but, nah. I can't even imagine not having him by my side now.
How to Get Your Best Friend Back: 11 Calm Steps to Win Them Back
If you have one, you are truly blessed. But you no doubt also know how painful it can be when your best friend is mad at you. Many a friend has spent sleepless nights due to a broken relationship with a best friend. Maybe someone told a lie about you to try and drive a wedge between the two of you. When your best friend is mad at you, the first and most important thing you can do is talk about it. Try to understand why they feel that way. All the effort is worth it.
Fortunately, best friends usually end up making up because they care about each other. Things may feel rough, but stay positive. To get your best friend back, try telling them that you miss them and you value having them in your life, so they know how important their friendship is to you.
I kept thinking about how many years had passed by. Did I really waste four years by not contacting my best friend? You see, I had a falling out with my close cousin. Growing up together since childhood, we became best friends—more like brothers through the years.
Though we may be taught that friendships are rock-solid, most of them have their own ebb and flow. If a good friend is keeping their distance and you want to reach out to them, the best approach is openness, honesty, and a willingness to acknowledge your friend's feelings. Take your time, be thoughtful, and hopefully you can repair your friendship and move forward.
A couple months back, my sister received a message from a former best friend of mine who happened to see my sister and me out together. She wanted to confirm it was me, while I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. Long story short, about five years earlier, I was going through one of the worst times of my life and my then-friend made a really poor excuse for not being there for me. Things were said and that was that. Not that it mattered, of course.
Losing a friend is like misplacing a piece of your heart. You wonder where you left it last and hope one day to find it again. Maybe you blame yourself, or perhaps it really is all her fault. Both of you are stubborn, so you just held on to your anger and the next thing you knew it was over. If you've ever lost your best friend, chances are you still think of her late at night when the two of you would have been texting up a storm. Or when you're out on the town talking about some crazy idea you both knew would never work but she'd be willing to try with you anyway.