How to get rid of a drug addict girlfriend
"My long-term boyfriend was a secret drug addict"
The behavior of an addicted person is baffling, frustrating, frightening and sad. The power of addictive substances is so strong that many people are overwhelmed by it. Their actions and words are dictated by their need for more drugs but those who know and love him or her may not be able to understand why they are acting the way they are. There are a few people who can be addicted to drugs or alcohol and continue to function at a job or in society.
Almost no one can succeed equally in all areas of life. Thus, wives, children, siblings and parents may see the worst of his behavior while co-workers or friends may think things are fine for quite a while longer. When someone you love is addicted, the truth is very hard to face.
This list is provided to help you separate fact from fantasy. They have to tell lies to mislead people about where they were when they were really out buying or using drugs or alcohol.
They have to lie about where the hundreds or thousands of dollars went. The more they feel they need drugs, the more likely they are to feel the need to lie. Family and good friends can be fooled by a skillful liar for years. But all this time, the person is slowly destroying herself.
You might be able to check some of the stories. The real tipoff is that these strange things keep happening to him. Gradually, his life descends into chaos, camouflaged by these lies. Unless they are also addicted, the family and close friends of an addicted person really want her to thrive and be happy. They try to encourage good decisions but the addicted person is on a destructive track.
The allure of the drugs is so powerful, she feels she needs the drugs to function, to be able to get through another day, to not get desperately sick from withdrawal. So she manipulates those who love her the most. Drugs like opiates, alcohol, methamphetamine, cocaine, synthetics like Spice and even marijuana can change a person who was loving and open with her family into someone who has to manipulate everyone so they will let her keep using drugs.
With love in their hearts, family and close friends try to convince the addicted person to stop using these deadly substances, to go to rehab. But her answer? And perhaps the most awful type of manipulation occurs between a man and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend.
When caught using drugs, the addicted person will promise to do better, to go to meetings, to start going to church, to get another job, to stop seeing drug dealers or other drug users. The non-addict really wants to believe the promises so he lets up on the pressure. He lets the addict back in the home or backs down from kicking her out.
As soon as the pressure is off, the addicted person will probably be attentive and loving for a little while—until the next binge of drug or alcohol use. Then all bets are off. An addict may call in the middle of the night, crying and professing love, begging to see the one he loves just one more time, but then if they meet, he asks for money just to get some good food and then is gone.
The money goes to drugs. Unfortunately, this pattern of manipulation all too often goes on for months or years without there being any change in behavior. When everything valuable is gone and the children are at risk, the non-addict finally moves away or changes the locks.
They are just more manipulation. Eventually, the money runs out. They have pawned or sold everything of value. They owe friends and family money. There are no more assets but the drugs or alcohol have to be obtained.
At this point, many people will begin committing crimes. Selling or manufacturing drugs are common ones. Burglary, robbery, identity theft, credit card theft, car thefts and shoplifting are also common. An employee may steal items from the place of business and pawn or sell them. Someone with access to cash may embezzle from a company.
Many people steal items from the homes of family or friends. When a person is addicted to prescription drugs, the crimes may be a little different. He may visit multiple doctors to get prescriptions for pills or may forge prescriptions. In recent years, there have been more safeguards put in place in most states so that these attempts are less likely to succeed.
Of course, there is driving while drunk or high. Irresponsibility is the name of the game for an addict. Whereas this person may have lived their prior life as a highly responsible individual, drug addiction steals that quality away.
Whatever happens is never his fault. If he fails at some activity, those close to him will be blamed. Family will appeal to him to please care for the children and his spouse, please get another job, please stop using these drugs and so on. Even if he wants to, the addiction is more powerful than he is and he will be drawn to his drug dealer, his drug-using friends and whatever means he must employ to keep the drugs coming. What really has to happen is that he must be rehabilitated to the point of having more power than the drugs.
With the delusional thinking common to most addicts, he can perceive those around him as being threatening, dangerous or malicious. As he shifts the blame, he may physically, mentally or emotionally attack those he blames. The spouse of an addict very often bears the brunt of both the blame and the abuse. He or she is not supportive.
Mental and emotional abuse may be directed at the spouse to completely shut down any ability to effectively fight the real problem—the addiction. If it were not bigger and more powerful at this moment than his own will, he would not be addicted, he would stop using drugs and begin to fix his life.
But out of this whole tragic, chaotic situation, there is a ray of hope. Rehabilitation and recovery are possible. When a person goes through an effective rehabilitation program and overcomes his or her need for drugs or alcohol, it is possible to see that bright, caring and responsible person come back again. Not every program focuses on bringing about these changes.
There are many programs where the philosophy is to medicate the person in recovery with methadone, Suboxone, antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs. The Narconon program is dedicated to bringing about strong life skills so a person can succeed in life. Not only are there no drugs given as part of the Narconon rehab program, there is a step of the program devoted to a healthy method of detoxifying the body of old drug residues as this helps with clarity of thinking—and many people says it also reduces or even may eliminate cravings.
Another major step of the program offers an innovative way to recover from the trauma of the past and regain a sharp new perception of the present. This recovery takes time, so there is no set time limit on the Narconon program.
A person progresses through the steps at his or her own rate. The most important thing is that he regains the skills he needs to build a new, sober life and repair his loving relationships with family and close friends. This is the goal of the Narconon program—a goal that has been successfully achieved for nearly fifty years. If this sounds good to you and you want to know more, just give us a call. Sue has worked in the addiction field with the Narconon network for three decades.
She has developed and administered drug prevention programs worldwide and worked with numerous drug rehabilitation centers over the years. Sue is also a fine artist and painter, who enjoys traveling the world which continues to provide unlimited inspiration for her work.
You can follow Sue on Twitter, or connect with her on LinkedIn. The cost of a good rehab can be daunting to a family… Foresight can save a family many tens of thousands of dollars and perhaps even lives.
We feel strongly for them and for the struggles they inevitably face. Sue Birkenshaw in Addiction November 9, Sue Birkenshaw Sue has worked in the addiction field with the Narconon network for three decades. Is Drug Rehab Worth the Cost? Karen in Drug Rehab April 21, Ren in Opioid Crisis February 8, Ron Hubbard. Language: English US. All Rights Reserved.
Narconon and the Narconon logo are trademarks and service marks owned by the Association for Better Living and Education International and are used with its permission.
Communicating With Someone Who Has an Addiction
The behavior of an addicted person is baffling, frustrating, frightening and sad. The power of addictive substances is so strong that many people are overwhelmed by it. Their actions and words are dictated by their need for more drugs but those who know and love him or her may not be able to understand why they are acting the way they are.
Get Started Today with Vertava Health. Some of the most complicated relationships in life can be those we actually choose: the people we date, the people we live with, the people we marry, the people we have children with. Unlike our relationships with parents or siblings or cousins and so on — we actually seek out and are selective about those with whom we are romantic. Somehow, however, those relationships can take the most work.
How to Help an Addicted Friend or Relative
Updated on July 1st, Drug users are crafty and can be very good at hiding their addiction from even those who are very close to them. Emotional issues and domestic problems are often commonplace when a drug addict is taking part in a close relationship, and even when these issues are absent, it can be tough to develop a sustained relationship. There are several things that could indicate that your partner is using or abusing drugs and trying to hide it from you. These things can include:. Bringing the idea up from a place of kindness and compassion is the best way to address it. One other thing to consider is the fact that drug addicts in relationships are actually trying to maintain two relationships — one with themselves, and one with the drugs.
When Someone You Love has an Addiction
The editorial staff of Rehabs. Our editors and medical reviewers have over a decade of cumulative experience in medical content editing and have reviewed thousands of pages for accuracy and relevance. Chaos naturally accompanies the disease of addiction. What used to be a happy home can quickly take on the appearance of a circus — especially if your spouse is actively abusing drugs.
It probably wouldn't surprise anyone to read that according to the World Drug Report , one in 20 adults used at least one illegal drug in The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime researchers also reported that globally, 29million people are dependent on drugs. They also found gender differences within drug use too - men are three times more likely than women to use cannabis, cocaine or amphetamines. But something that hasn't really been looked into before is how deeply drug dependency can impact on relationships.
How do addicts tend to behave in relationships?
Addiction can be one of the most difficult situations that can occur within a marriage. Living with an addicted spouse can create stress, despair, anxiety, and unhappiness, amongst many other things. Countless couples who experience addiction within their marriage end up getting divorced because of it.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Cure Opioid & Prescription Drug Addiction
For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. No-one automatically knows how to talk to an addict—someone living with an addiction. If you are also going through the shock of just having discovered a loved one has an addiction, you have a recipe for poor communication. But there are ways of communicating that produce better outcomes than we might expect. People with addictions can make this worse by denial and lying to you.
7 Things You Need To Do When Your Spouse Is Addicted
Having a drug addict living in your house can be a toxic experience. Being in the constant presence of someone who is always under the influence of alcohol or drugs can be physically and emotionally draining. Nobody wants to stay at home feeling always tensed and uncomfortable. However, kicking a drug addict out of the house is not as simple as how it is often portrayed in movies. A spouse, parent, sibling or landlord would need to approach the situation differently. It is generally easier for landlords to remove a drug addict staying at their property. This is mainly because there is usually no emotional connection between the landlord and the addict. If the drug addict is posing as a threat to the community, the landlord can alert the authorities about the situation.
You dread seeing them and you need to see them, all at once. I feel regularly as though I have nothing left to give him. With all of our combined wisdom, strength, love and unfailing will to make things better for him, there is nothing we can do. He will have an army of people behind him and beside him when he makes the decision, but until then, I and others who love him are powerless.
People who know someone struggling with an addiction often wonder how to help an addicted friend or relative. The decision to try and get help for someone you care about who has an addiction is never easy. Each situation is unique, but there are some general guidelines that will help you approach this task.
I am in the same situation. I am currently pregnant with our 2nd child who is due in 3 months and he has lied, and done God only knows what ever else. I am in recovery myself and feel it's not conducive to my recovery or life at this point to live with him until he wants to recover from this disease. I am losing my hair as well as weight.